Manic Monday!

So... I started off my morning by being late to work. Good thing the boss is very understanding and doesn't mind if we are a little late. It happens to everyone right?! Besides, I am rarely late. EVER. That helps too.

Anyways...I haven't blogged in awhile and I really need to keep on myself about doing it. That or someone else needs to. So...my relationship status is now complicated, more complicated then previously thought. We aren't officially together anymore, but we are "together" if you know what I mean. Let me clear some things up for you people out there in blogger land. As some of you may know from reading previous posts, I am bisexual. Wow! It's weird to actually say that. I don't know if I have ever really said that before. Anyways...my family doesn't know (well my sister and my aunt do but that's it) and that makes me nervous. They are a very understanding bunch, but it's still weird to think about talking about. It's not an everyday conversation, like "oh yeah! By the way, I'm bisexual. Just thought you might want to know." It's not that I don't think they have a right to know, or wouldn't want to know, they deserve to know. I really and truly believe they deserve to know, but there is a time and a place for everything and I'm not sure that time is now. My mom will be very supportive, she is the type of mom that has always encouraged us to be open and honest and has had conversations with me, my brother, and my sister telling us that that would definately not be the worst conversation that we could ever have with her (telling her we are bi or gay). She would much rather us be bi or gay then say a serial killer or something like that. I know, you are probably thinking who wouldn't right? But...I'm sure there are some people out there that would much rather have their child or family member be a murderer then gay. Anyways, my grandma's reaction will be much different. She is old school and has old school values and beliefs and doesn't really support gay or bi people. Not that she hates them, because that isn't it at all. She was raised to think that it's a choice, it's something that you choose and not something that happens to you. She doesn't see how two women or two men can be attracted to eachother and I respect her opinion. I love my family and I know they want the best for me and they want me to be happy. I just don't want them to fall apart with some news like this. I am afraid to tell her, to be honest I'm scared to death. My brother means more to me than anything and I'm not sure what he'll say either. I think he will just say oh ok and leave it at that.

So...as I'm sure you've figured out, H and I were together. We still hang out almost every day like we used to and things are 95% the same as they were before. She is dealing with one of her ex's right now and I truly think that has to do with why we broke up. She assures me that it isn't, but I can't help but have this gut feeling that it had SOMETHING to do with it. I guess what's meant to be will happen. She still tells me that she loves me, wants to hang out often, wants to know where I am, wants me to sleep at her house, and that sort of stuff. I guess I can see that she is in a tough spot, but at the same time I feel like I'm not good enough. I know that sometimes it's tough to get over past relationships, but I can't help but feel like this is unfair to me. I am the type of person that it takes a lot to make me want you out of my life, and I made a promise to her that I won't run away. I will always be there for her. It hurts to think that she could have feelings for her ex and it would break my heart to see them together, but I truly want her to be happy. I know people say that people say they just want the other person to be happy and then they themselves will be happy. Most of the time people don't really mean that, but I DO!

I don't know, I guess I just needed to get some things off my chest. Put some thoughts into words and see where that gets me for now. Please comment and let me know if there's any advice you have for me. I am all ears!

Have a wonderful day!

Sable :)

Happy Friday Everyone!!

Now I'm not exactly sure how many people read my blog, probably minimal at best, but Happy Friday to you all anyways! I haven't blogged in quite awhile because I am not quite up on the whole blogging thing yet. I'm trying to get used to it and improve my blogging skills. I just don't always know what to talk about.

Anyways...life has been pretty good lately. My birthday was last Sunday so now I am the big
2-2! Yay me (and mom and dad for having me) :)! No, I don't feel any older and I'm pretty sure I don't look any older. My birthday has been a sad/happy day for me the last 6 years. As some of you may know my father died of a heart attack on June 29, 2002 so he has not physically seen me have a birthday since I was 15. It's sad, but I know he is watching from heaven. I spent the day mostly alone with the exception of dinner with my family and my best friend Liz. It was an ok day but one that I sometimes would like to forget and just have it be another day on the calendar. I know I have no control over it, but I wish he could've been there. It would've lit up my day more than anyone could imagine.

My friends and I are what I consider to be better than ever! We are going strong. We have our arguments just like everyone, but after those arguments our relationship seems to be better then before. I know that people get busy and don't always have time to share their thoughts and feelings and I am guilty of that as well, but sometimes you just need to take the time. That's what counts. I love all of my friends and wouldn't change them or any of the experiences that we've had for anything. Everything that has happened in my life has made me who I am today and I am greatful for that.

I am currently in a relationship and I won't go into too much detail because I really don't want to, but it's going pretty good. It's different from my past relationships, but in a good way. I'm kind of scared and I know I shouldn't be, but things haven't been this good in awhile. There are challenges in every relationship and I am willing to deal with those, as anyone who loves their significant other should be. If anyone reading this would like more details, just ask. I may or may not choose to share them with you, but it's worth a shot right? I don't want to post them for the whole blogging community because I'm not exactly sure who all reads this, but feel free to inquire. I'm not trying to hide anything by any means, but it's a different sort of situation.

Anyways, I decided that I should probably blog today because I haven't in awhile. So I hope some people get around to reading the blog and I will come back soon to blog again!

Thanks everyone!!!

Sable

Confused...

Ok...I know I'm only about to turn 22 years old and I'm not supposed to have all the answers, but I wish I had a clue what's going on! I feel like everyone that is my friend or claims to be a friend is turning against eachother. One says that the other one uses me and the other one says the same thing about the first one. Who's lying? One? Both? I don't know anymore. I am starting to think that people live life for themselves, that they don't give a hoot about other people. Not that you shouldn't live your life for yourself, but should you step on other people to get what you want? I don't think so. Maybe I am the minority then. They are out to see what they can get from life, to see what they can get from people. It's starting to seem like almost everyone I know is a mooch. They always want one thing or another. Is it fair? Absolutely not! I know that I have a huge heart and would give anything for any of my friends. But their comments towards eachother make me wonder if they would be willing to do the same for me. I would literally give the shirt off my back to any one of my friends in a heart beat, but would they do that for me? I know that not all people are like that, but it makes me wonder. I don't want people to read this and feel sorry for me, but I had to get it out. I have a headache from thinking about it so much. It's like I want to turn my phone off and shut out all of my friends and just be with my family until I figure out who is real and who is fake. At this point I don't know what else to do. I am lost, confused, I feel used, and I don't know what else to do. At nearly 22 years old I have a nicer car then most "kids" my age, I have a decent job, and have lended my friends lots of money totalling hundreds of dollars. Was it the smartest thing to do? Probably not, but we all make mistakes. Some of them have been honest and trustworthy and paid it back, and others never will, but it just goes back to if I was in the same position if they would be all that willing to do the same. I am just fed up at this point. Why do some people feel the need to try and tear others down to bring themselves up? It doesn't make sense to me. Get to where you want to be because you got there on your own, not because you stepped on someone else on the way up!

Well...I think I am done for the night. My head is about to explode.

Sable

Sorry for my absence...

So...it's been a little while since I have blogged and I do apologize. I decided to blog today to update on some current issues in my life. First and formost: the grandparents divorce was final on Wednesday and it is just what grandma needed. It has only been 5 months and it happened to be 5 months to the day that the divorce was final. It took less than 15 minutes and they were out of court.

On to other things...one of my ex boyfriends, who I have tried to keep in contact with ever since we broke up, contacted me via myspace. We never really had a bad break up, it was just mutual really. He was my first love and I do still have feelings for him, but that's beside the point. He is now married and has three beautiful children and I would never do anything to break that up. That's not who I am. Anyways, I sent him a message just asking how things are going and that sort of thing and I get a message back that I totally didn't expect. He is in Iraq, which I knew because I do talk to his mom from time to time and she told me. He went on to say that he apologizes for the way things happened in the past and that he wishes things were different, but being over there has made him take a look at life and how fast things can just be gone. His family no longer supports him and what he is doing over there and it made me really sad. He said that he didn't want to see me when he was home on leave because he was afraid that I would do the same thing to him. He did say though that he remembers when I would always tell him that he could talk to me about anything and I would always be there for him. That touched my heart more than anything and meant so much more than he will probably ever know. I felt so much better after we sent a few messages back and forth. He is 8 hours ahead of my time here in Wisconsin, so it's already Monday there, but he hopes to get online and talk to me tomorrow.

I am just so relieved that he thinks and knows that he can talk to me. That makes me feel really good.

I will blog again soon!

Sable

Just for Hallie and the Twomey clan!!

Hallie I know that times are tough right now, but things are going to be ok. John will pull through after his surgery and CJ will make the right choice whatever that may be. You are such a strong woman and I admire you for that. You have a lot on your plate right now and you deal with it so well. Connor must be one heck of a kid as well to be hanging in their with the rest of you! :)

I thought you and the family might like some more Murphy pictures so I decided today was the day to post some more. We are hoping that John makes it home from the hospital soon and makes a fast recovery. I know that in the past it hasn't been easy or fast, but maybe this time will be different. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help! I will try my best!!

Playing outside...

Laying in bed...

Murphy was show and tell for my 5 year old cousins birthday...

Murphy decided to take a rest on my pants as I was getting ready...

Update

So...I haven't posted in quite awhile once again. Things have been looking up lately. I have been offered a full time Work Study Position for the summer semester and I have recently put my resume online at careerbuilder.com. I received an email from a company who is interested in interviewing me for a job and I am hoping that all goes well. The interview is set for the 14th of this month so keep your fingers crossed.

Ben is coming home next Friday and I am really excited about that. The week and a half or so that he will be home is going to be really busy. Monday the 14th I have my interview in the evening, Tuesday I have to work and after work I'm going out for Sarah's birthday, Friday we're going out for Sarah's birthday again, and Saturday we're going to the casino before Ben goes back. So it will be a crazy time.

Well, Hallie and Chauncey over at Wonderful World of Wieners have inspired these next pictures. I think that Murphy and Chauncey are somehow related. :) So...here goes!

This is his dark strip in his coat. I'm told it's called a wild boar pattern. Hopefully it will stay even when he gets older because I think it's really cute.

His cute puppy paws. Aw!!! :)

I still think he is the most velvety puppy ever!! Just look at these ears!

This is Murphy with Auntie Liz's brand new really expensive shirt/dress on. Isn't he just adorable?

This is Murphy starting a new trend of bags around the neck. He likes to look inside bags and check them out and he usually gets them stuck around his neck kind of like this.

And last but not least this is Murphy dancing which is something he does quite often actually!

Well I hope everyone got their Murphy fix for now and there will definately be more to come in the future. He is almost 5 months old! On Sunday he will be 5 months old. I can't even believe it.

~Sable~

I hate snow!

For the record...I do infact hate snow! It snowed again last night/this morning and it just reminded me how much I hate snow. Don't get me wrong, I love living in Wisconsin. I just hate the snow. I know, I know, it's part of the package, but I hate the package just incase anyone cares!

Work is very boring today, and yes I am being paid to type this blog right now because there isn't anyone else here and there is no work to be done. So...I can't even talk to anyone else because there isn't anyone here. So here I sit at my desk listening to the radio online and trying to think of things I can possibly do. I've visited Myspace and Facebook 1,000 times too many today and I've run out of websites to look at. What better time to blog than the present?

Oh! I forgot to mention that my brother might be getting deployed. I am not happy about this, but if it's what he wants then I wish him all the best. He is up for deployment, but he put himself on the volunteer list. They are taking the first 3 volunteers and he is volunteer #4. So if someone backs out or gets disqualified then he gets/has to go (however you want to put it). If he goes he will either be going to Qatar or Kyrgyzstan. Neither are good, but they are better than Iraq or Afghanistan. If I had to pick where he goes I would have to go with Kyrgyzstan. Unfortunately I don't get to pick because if I did he would stay in good ol' Nebraska. I understand that for some military personnel to feel like they are actually serving their country, they want to be in the heat of battle, in the middle of something. I will support my brother no matter what. Am I happy that he volunteered? No but it's not about me. It's about him and what he wants to do. It's his life and he makes the choices. If he does go I will pray harder than I have ever prayed before and hope that he makes it home safe. The kind of good news is that he would go for about 4 months, so compared to the Army's 16 month deployments it should be a cake walk (when comparing the length of time).

Well...I guess I could dig up some more pictures of Murphy because if I don't I know a certain blogger that would probably skin me alive. So these are the pictures that I have chosen for the blog today. Hope you enjoy!!!

He is so photogenic!

He seems to like toys that are twice his size if not bigger.

This is his favorite thing to do. Nap!

Oh look! He happens to be napping again!