Manic Monday!

So... I started off my morning by being late to work. Good thing the boss is very understanding and doesn't mind if we are a little late. It happens to everyone right?! Besides, I am rarely late. EVER. That helps too.

Anyways...I haven't blogged in awhile and I really need to keep on myself about doing it. That or someone else needs to. So...my relationship status is now complicated, more complicated then previously thought. We aren't officially together anymore, but we are "together" if you know what I mean. Let me clear some things up for you people out there in blogger land. As some of you may know from reading previous posts, I am bisexual. Wow! It's weird to actually say that. I don't know if I have ever really said that before. Anyways...my family doesn't know (well my sister and my aunt do but that's it) and that makes me nervous. They are a very understanding bunch, but it's still weird to think about talking about. It's not an everyday conversation, like "oh yeah! By the way, I'm bisexual. Just thought you might want to know." It's not that I don't think they have a right to know, or wouldn't want to know, they deserve to know. I really and truly believe they deserve to know, but there is a time and a place for everything and I'm not sure that time is now. My mom will be very supportive, she is the type of mom that has always encouraged us to be open and honest and has had conversations with me, my brother, and my sister telling us that that would definately not be the worst conversation that we could ever have with her (telling her we are bi or gay). She would much rather us be bi or gay then say a serial killer or something like that. I know, you are probably thinking who wouldn't right? But...I'm sure there are some people out there that would much rather have their child or family member be a murderer then gay. Anyways, my grandma's reaction will be much different. She is old school and has old school values and beliefs and doesn't really support gay or bi people. Not that she hates them, because that isn't it at all. She was raised to think that it's a choice, it's something that you choose and not something that happens to you. She doesn't see how two women or two men can be attracted to eachother and I respect her opinion. I love my family and I know they want the best for me and they want me to be happy. I just don't want them to fall apart with some news like this. I am afraid to tell her, to be honest I'm scared to death. My brother means more to me than anything and I'm not sure what he'll say either. I think he will just say oh ok and leave it at that.

So...as I'm sure you've figured out, H and I were together. We still hang out almost every day like we used to and things are 95% the same as they were before. She is dealing with one of her ex's right now and I truly think that has to do with why we broke up. She assures me that it isn't, but I can't help but have this gut feeling that it had SOMETHING to do with it. I guess what's meant to be will happen. She still tells me that she loves me, wants to hang out often, wants to know where I am, wants me to sleep at her house, and that sort of stuff. I guess I can see that she is in a tough spot, but at the same time I feel like I'm not good enough. I know that sometimes it's tough to get over past relationships, but I can't help but feel like this is unfair to me. I am the type of person that it takes a lot to make me want you out of my life, and I made a promise to her that I won't run away. I will always be there for her. It hurts to think that she could have feelings for her ex and it would break my heart to see them together, but I truly want her to be happy. I know people say that people say they just want the other person to be happy and then they themselves will be happy. Most of the time people don't really mean that, but I DO!

I don't know, I guess I just needed to get some things off my chest. Put some thoughts into words and see where that gets me for now. Please comment and let me know if there's any advice you have for me. I am all ears!

Have a wonderful day!

Sable :)