Confused...

Ok...I know I'm only about to turn 22 years old and I'm not supposed to have all the answers, but I wish I had a clue what's going on! I feel like everyone that is my friend or claims to be a friend is turning against eachother. One says that the other one uses me and the other one says the same thing about the first one. Who's lying? One? Both? I don't know anymore. I am starting to think that people live life for themselves, that they don't give a hoot about other people. Not that you shouldn't live your life for yourself, but should you step on other people to get what you want? I don't think so. Maybe I am the minority then. They are out to see what they can get from life, to see what they can get from people. It's starting to seem like almost everyone I know is a mooch. They always want one thing or another. Is it fair? Absolutely not! I know that I have a huge heart and would give anything for any of my friends. But their comments towards eachother make me wonder if they would be willing to do the same for me. I would literally give the shirt off my back to any one of my friends in a heart beat, but would they do that for me? I know that not all people are like that, but it makes me wonder. I don't want people to read this and feel sorry for me, but I had to get it out. I have a headache from thinking about it so much. It's like I want to turn my phone off and shut out all of my friends and just be with my family until I figure out who is real and who is fake. At this point I don't know what else to do. I am lost, confused, I feel used, and I don't know what else to do. At nearly 22 years old I have a nicer car then most "kids" my age, I have a decent job, and have lended my friends lots of money totalling hundreds of dollars. Was it the smartest thing to do? Probably not, but we all make mistakes. Some of them have been honest and trustworthy and paid it back, and others never will, but it just goes back to if I was in the same position if they would be all that willing to do the same. I am just fed up at this point. Why do some people feel the need to try and tear others down to bring themselves up? It doesn't make sense to me. Get to where you want to be because you got there on your own, not because you stepped on someone else on the way up!

Well...I think I am done for the night. My head is about to explode.

Sable

Sorry for my absence...

So...it's been a little while since I have blogged and I do apologize. I decided to blog today to update on some current issues in my life. First and formost: the grandparents divorce was final on Wednesday and it is just what grandma needed. It has only been 5 months and it happened to be 5 months to the day that the divorce was final. It took less than 15 minutes and they were out of court.

On to other things...one of my ex boyfriends, who I have tried to keep in contact with ever since we broke up, contacted me via myspace. We never really had a bad break up, it was just mutual really. He was my first love and I do still have feelings for him, but that's beside the point. He is now married and has three beautiful children and I would never do anything to break that up. That's not who I am. Anyways, I sent him a message just asking how things are going and that sort of thing and I get a message back that I totally didn't expect. He is in Iraq, which I knew because I do talk to his mom from time to time and she told me. He went on to say that he apologizes for the way things happened in the past and that he wishes things were different, but being over there has made him take a look at life and how fast things can just be gone. His family no longer supports him and what he is doing over there and it made me really sad. He said that he didn't want to see me when he was home on leave because he was afraid that I would do the same thing to him. He did say though that he remembers when I would always tell him that he could talk to me about anything and I would always be there for him. That touched my heart more than anything and meant so much more than he will probably ever know. I felt so much better after we sent a few messages back and forth. He is 8 hours ahead of my time here in Wisconsin, so it's already Monday there, but he hopes to get online and talk to me tomorrow.

I am just so relieved that he thinks and knows that he can talk to me. That makes me feel really good.

I will blog again soon!

Sable

Just for Hallie and the Twomey clan!!

Hallie I know that times are tough right now, but things are going to be ok. John will pull through after his surgery and CJ will make the right choice whatever that may be. You are such a strong woman and I admire you for that. You have a lot on your plate right now and you deal with it so well. Connor must be one heck of a kid as well to be hanging in their with the rest of you! :)

I thought you and the family might like some more Murphy pictures so I decided today was the day to post some more. We are hoping that John makes it home from the hospital soon and makes a fast recovery. I know that in the past it hasn't been easy or fast, but maybe this time will be different. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help! I will try my best!!

Playing outside...

Laying in bed...

Murphy was show and tell for my 5 year old cousins birthday...

Murphy decided to take a rest on my pants as I was getting ready...

Update

So...I haven't posted in quite awhile once again. Things have been looking up lately. I have been offered a full time Work Study Position for the summer semester and I have recently put my resume online at careerbuilder.com. I received an email from a company who is interested in interviewing me for a job and I am hoping that all goes well. The interview is set for the 14th of this month so keep your fingers crossed.

Ben is coming home next Friday and I am really excited about that. The week and a half or so that he will be home is going to be really busy. Monday the 14th I have my interview in the evening, Tuesday I have to work and after work I'm going out for Sarah's birthday, Friday we're going out for Sarah's birthday again, and Saturday we're going to the casino before Ben goes back. So it will be a crazy time.

Well, Hallie and Chauncey over at Wonderful World of Wieners have inspired these next pictures. I think that Murphy and Chauncey are somehow related. :) So...here goes!

This is his dark strip in his coat. I'm told it's called a wild boar pattern. Hopefully it will stay even when he gets older because I think it's really cute.

His cute puppy paws. Aw!!! :)

I still think he is the most velvety puppy ever!! Just look at these ears!

This is Murphy with Auntie Liz's brand new really expensive shirt/dress on. Isn't he just adorable?

This is Murphy starting a new trend of bags around the neck. He likes to look inside bags and check them out and he usually gets them stuck around his neck kind of like this.

And last but not least this is Murphy dancing which is something he does quite often actually!

Well I hope everyone got their Murphy fix for now and there will definately be more to come in the future. He is almost 5 months old! On Sunday he will be 5 months old. I can't even believe it.

~Sable~

I hate snow!

For the record...I do infact hate snow! It snowed again last night/this morning and it just reminded me how much I hate snow. Don't get me wrong, I love living in Wisconsin. I just hate the snow. I know, I know, it's part of the package, but I hate the package just incase anyone cares!

Work is very boring today, and yes I am being paid to type this blog right now because there isn't anyone else here and there is no work to be done. So...I can't even talk to anyone else because there isn't anyone here. So here I sit at my desk listening to the radio online and trying to think of things I can possibly do. I've visited Myspace and Facebook 1,000 times too many today and I've run out of websites to look at. What better time to blog than the present?

Oh! I forgot to mention that my brother might be getting deployed. I am not happy about this, but if it's what he wants then I wish him all the best. He is up for deployment, but he put himself on the volunteer list. They are taking the first 3 volunteers and he is volunteer #4. So if someone backs out or gets disqualified then he gets/has to go (however you want to put it). If he goes he will either be going to Qatar or Kyrgyzstan. Neither are good, but they are better than Iraq or Afghanistan. If I had to pick where he goes I would have to go with Kyrgyzstan. Unfortunately I don't get to pick because if I did he would stay in good ol' Nebraska. I understand that for some military personnel to feel like they are actually serving their country, they want to be in the heat of battle, in the middle of something. I will support my brother no matter what. Am I happy that he volunteered? No but it's not about me. It's about him and what he wants to do. It's his life and he makes the choices. If he does go I will pray harder than I have ever prayed before and hope that he makes it home safe. The kind of good news is that he would go for about 4 months, so compared to the Army's 16 month deployments it should be a cake walk (when comparing the length of time).

Well...I guess I could dig up some more pictures of Murphy because if I don't I know a certain blogger that would probably skin me alive. So these are the pictures that I have chosen for the blog today. Hope you enjoy!!!

He is so photogenic!

He seems to like toys that are twice his size if not bigger.

This is his favorite thing to do. Nap!

Oh look! He happens to be napping again!

Rough Weekend...

So...this weekend was kind of rough. We will start with Thursday. I went to hang out with Sarah in the afternoon on Thursday and help her finish packing for her trip to Nationals in Colorado Springs, CO for boxing. After hanging out with Sarah, I went to Liz's house to make dinner with her and Naquan. We usually have dinner together once a week. It's a little tradition we wanted to get going and we started it about a month or so ago. So after we were done eating I got a frantic call from Sarah saying that her mom was supposed to drive her to the airport in Milwaukee early in the morning on Friday, but she could no longer bring her. I was Sarah's only other option and I had plans. Luckily, I was able to rearrange some things so that I could bring her to the airport. So...I had to hurry up and take a midterm online, find directions to the airport, and go to bed as early as possible because I had to get up at 3AM!! So...I did my midterm, got the directions, and attempted to go to bed around 11:30 but Liz was talking on the phone. She talked on the phone until atleast 12:30AM! That's the last time I remember looking at the clock. I was upset because she knew I had to get up at 3 and still continued to talk on the phone. I had my alarm set for 3AM so of course I woke up at 2:30 and tried falling back to sleep. I would fall asleep and wake up 5 minutes later so I decided to just get up and get ready. I went to Sarah's apartment and helped her carry all her bags and things to the car. We started our 3 hour journey to Milwaukee. I don't like big city driving, so I just about had a meltdown driving through Milwaukee.

So Sarah and I got her tickets and checked her luggage and hung around the airport until it was time to go through security. When she went through security I left the airport for my 3 hour journey home...all lonely. When I got home I decided that I would like to try and take a nap. I attempted to nap but it didn't work all that well. I think the odds were stacked against me. I got MAYBE an hour of sleep. After my attempt at a nap I had to go watch my little cousins for a little while until my aunt got home from work. When I was done babysitting, I headed back to town for the weekend. Liz and I just hung out for awhile and then she decided that she wanted to go to a party around 10:30, so we headed out to the party at about midnight. I was tired, but I didn't want Liz to drive when she would be drinking so I went anyways. Now lately Liz has been getting more careless when she drinks and doesn't really care about anyone else. Usually I don't say anything about wanting to leave but I was really tired so around 3:30AM I told her that I wanted to leave. She was just about to open a beer before I told her that I was ready to go and she said ok I'm almost ready and then cracked open the beer! At this point I was really upset because she didn't consider how tired I was, the fact that I was the driver, or the fact that I just plain wanted to leave. So I didn't get to go to bed until 5AM and was up for more than 24 hours!

So Saturday I woke up at about 11AM and wasn't all that tired. Liz decided that she wanted to have a party, so we started getting things ready for that. She had people coming over around 8ish and they started playing drinking games. I started getting really tired and not feeling well around 12:30 (I don't drink, I just socialize with everyone), so I went to bed. Around 4AM Liz's sister came in the bedroom and said Liz was going to the hospital with alcohol poisioning. So she went to the hospital and kept asking for me and I just couldn't bring myself to go. Besides the fact that I was really tired, I didn't want to see her like that. They had to sedate her because she was trying to rip iv's out and she was telling the nurses she's a monster and no one loves her. Selfish or not, I just couldn't do it. I'm sorry, but she did it to herself. If she was laying in the hospital because she needed to have surgery or for almost any other reason, I would've been there. She didn't seem to be concerned about me the entire weekend until she wanted/needed someone by her side because she was laying in the hospital, so why should I be concerned about her. Don't get me wrong, I WAS concerned about her and I DO care, but that was what I was thinking at first.

She asked me to go to an AA meeting with her or maybe a couple, just to show my support, but I don't know how I feel about that. I have asked her to think about quitting drinking multiple times before and it even got to the point that I told her we couldn't be friends if she didn't stop. She would tell me that she didn't have a problem, that I needed to mind my own business, and if I thought she had a problem I should go to hell! I am disappointed that it had to get to this point, but I'm glad that she atleast recognized that she has a problem now. I support her, but I can't help but think that this time won't be different, that this time will be like all the others and she won't change. I hope that she does, but I just don't know. I want her to "get better" but I don't know if it will happen. I have a million emotions running through me right now. Emotions from anger because she didn't care , sadness because it got to this point and her family didn't seem to care, disappointment, happiness that she is going to try and almost anything else that you can think of. I just want to look her in the eyes and say I told you so! At this point I feel like I am being cold and seperating myself from her, but that's because I don't know what to say. I don't know how to talk to her at this point. I am usually the friend that people come to for advice because I usually have really good advice, but not this time. I care about her a lot, but it's hard. I don't think that it's easy for her or that it's going to be a cake walk.

On a lighter note, here is my post for the week with Murphy pictures. My sister, two of my little cousins Macy and Alex, and I took Murphy for his first walk. He has a little jacket, so I put it on him and away we went. Toward the end of the walk he was getting chilly so my sister put him in her jacket. So...the pictures this week are of that.

Not that this will be the only post this week, but I had a request to post at least once a week so here it is!

This is Murphy in his little jacket and my sister Kaelyn getting ready for our walk.

This is Murphy and Kaelyn again. He was shivering so she put him in her jacket.

If anyone has any advice for me about the situation with Liz, feel free to pass it on. I'm open to suggestions.

Have a great day!!

Sable :)

I am back once again! This could be a long one!

I know, I know, it's been forever and a day since I've posted. Okay, well not FOREVER, but long enough. School is going good, I'm only going half time this semester which, I now know, was a really good choice. At the beginning of the semester, when signing up for classes, I wasn't so sure that it was the right choice, but it was the only option I had other than not going at all and taking a semester off. When I go full time (which is 12 credits) I just feel swamped. Like I can't do anything else because I don't have time. I also work 16 hours a week for the same college that I attend, and I babysit 2 full days a week for my aunt's kids.

I am a people pleaser and I try to make everyone happy no matter what I have to do to do it. I want to make my mom, grandma, and the rest of my family happy by going to school and finishing my degree. I want to make my friends happy, so I hang out with them when ever they ask, even if I shouldn't because I don't really have the money. Sarah and Liz (the two friends I hang out with most) live about 35 miles from me, so everytime I go to hang out, it costs me quite a bit. I don't know why, but I just feel like I have to make everyone happy. Most of the time it's what makes me happy. I enjoy to see others happy (who really likes to see people unhappy? I know, there are cruel people out there who like to see people in pain and squirm and such.)

This weekend for instance, Liz was gone to Chicago all weekend, so I was left to find something to do with myself for an entire weekend. Liz and I are best friends and have been for about 5 years now. We usually hang out all weekend, and when I say all weekend I do mean ALL WEEKEND! We are together from the time she gets out of school on Friday until late Sunday night. It's just what we do, we are partners in crime. Well, you get the point. So...she didn't leave for Chicago until early Saturday morning so I headed "into town" (which is what I call it since I don't consider my little hometown a town at all) to hang out with Liz. So, back to my people pleasing. I went into town to hang out with Liz and we hung out with another one of our friends that stopped over for a little bit. While I was at Liz's, Sarah called and wanted to see Murphy, so I went over to her house for a little bit. Now, sometimes I don't think before I do things and I just went over to Sarah's as soon as she called and asked me to stop over. Thinking back on the choice I made, I probably hurt Liz's feelings. I mean I WAS at her house and we WERE hanging out, but I'm with her every weekend so I guess I thought she would understand.

Anyways, on Saturday I decided I wanted to hang out with my family (something I very much enjoy). We had been planning our annual sledding party, and it just so happenend that Saturday was the day. PERFECT!! So I slept in (yes Murphy actually let me sleep in! I was shocked myself!!) and then I went to the sledding party. It was an all day event. Food on the grill, snacks, soda, campfire and all. Eventhough I didn't go sledding, it was fun to watch all of the kids and even the grown ups sledding. I took pictures and videos and just visited with everyone. It was a really good time.

Sunday was another day where I was into people pleasing again. Sarah is going to nationals in Colorado Springs, CO for boxing for a week. After her trip to nationals, she is flying back into Milwaukee for a few hours and flying out to Florida for a spring break type trip for another week. So...I was asked to help her pack for both trips, and I happily agreed. Now, this doesn't sound like a big deal, a friendly gesture. We went shopping to pick up some last minute things for her trip and she was getting crabby(I was then getting crabby because I thought I was being the nice friend by helping and then I was getting crabbed at for it). I then offered to do the dishes in her sink! Why you ask?! Because they had been there for a long time and she was going to throw them away! You shouldn't thrown a bunch of perfectly good dishes away just because you don't want to wash them. What a waste of money! In the evening we wanted to do something nice for Sarah's mom, so we brought food out to her house and cooked her a nice meal of Chicken Breasts on the grill, corn, and salad. It was really nice. I brough Murphy with so he could play with Sarah's little brothers Eli and Jacob. They just love him to pieces.

Like I said before, I don't know why I feel the need to people please, but I do it. I want to make everyone happy all the time and I know it's not possible. Most of the time, what makes other people happy, makes me happy, I don't know. Lately I am just so confused. One of my friends, I will not mention the name, likes girls. This doesn't bother me, it truely doesn't, but she confuses me. Sometimes she says things like "babe" or "hun", or says she misses me (which normally I wouldn't think twice about, but considering the circumstances, I do tend to think about it a little more). It just makes me wonder what she means, I am just confused. I am not closed minded, and I have never had any experiences with girls, and I know that people say that when you're young you experiment and things, but I just don't know. I might be bisexual, I'm not really sure. It is so weird to type that, because I have never even said that before.

Well, potty training with Murphy has been going pretty good. He has been to the vet 3 times since I've had him and he's gotten 2 shots. He is a very good little boy, hyper almost all the time, but he's a puppy. He loves kids, and loves being by me. He is my little sidekick. When I take a shower, he sits in the bathroom and waits for me to get done, and when I sleep, he sleeps with me. When I have to put him in his cage it makes me sad and I just don't like it at all. I wish I could keep him out all day and he wouldn't pee in the house. It'll be so nice when he is fully house trained/potty trained (whichever you would like to call it). So, there has been a request for new puppy pics and you better bet that I will come through for you on this one Hallie! So here they are! I have tons, so if you would like even more, I could email them to you. Just ask!!!

This one is Murphy and his "girlfriend" Molly. He decided that he wanted to sleep on the big dog pillow. One that is about 10 times his size. Guess he thinks he is a big dog.

This is Murphy when I took him to work with me one day. He just poses for the camera so nice!

This is Murphy at work with mom. He fell asleep on my desk calendar.

Here is my little boy posing again! He loves his little camo t-shirt.

This is Murphy and Sarah. He is her "baby".

This is Murphy with his Bob the Builder glasses a.k.a. beer goggles on.

And last but not least, this is Murphy with Auntie Liz. He is quite the ladies man, let me tell you!

Hope you enjoy!!!